Confidence: For a Big Girl

this past week I finally caught up with an old friend and while talking about current trends, dating big girls came up. I am not sure what exactly brought the subject up but she stated that with big girls making a statement, dating a big girl feels like a trend – please keep in mind that we are both plus size women.

Her statement made me a little sad for two reasons:

  1. there is probably some truth to that statement
  2. the reality that plus size women may feel like this “trend” is their only hope at finding some type of love.

She stated that she was with her boyfriend and they passed by a Torrid store with swim suites in the display. She was confused by the fact that they were making two pieces swimwear because who really wanted to see a big girl in a swim suite. Her boyfriend told her they make it because that’s what people want. Plus if you have confidence when you put it on, then you’ll look good in it. Her response…. “I guess so”.

Talk about heart breaking. However her feeling were rooted in something we have all been taught. Big cannot be beautiful. Being someone that has fought depression to just liker herself, I had to vocalize my opinions on big girls are dating and want to share them with you.

Please know this is a generalized statement and isn’t exactly true to everyone. But just how people like to give a marginalize comment on the plus size community, I am somewhat doing the same. Like I said this isn’t the case for everyone.

No offense to the slimmer, more naturally fit women, but their confidence isn’t quite the same. We all have our own set of insecurities but for plus size women, over coming them is a little different. We have to learn that we are beautiful. period. end of statement. No more “pretty for a big girl”. We are beautiful as is. We have to learn to be comfortable in own our skin despite every outlet of media stating we are ugly, a joke, we must not care about ourselves because we let ourselves go and countless other insults. We are always the butt of every joke. We are told that any sexual advance should be considered a compliment as we are not desirable. We deal with such hate and discrimination without ever being given the chance to figure out how we feel about ourselves. I could go on for days about the negative comments I receive, read, and hear. It is a daily struggle to find the good at times.

So in my opinion, when we plus size women finally reach a point of self love and healthy confidence, it’s a bit different. We hold our heads a little higher and strut a little differently. We have to learn to overcome the negativity and love what’s in the mirror. We have to get to a place that losing weight is for health reasons and NOT to look better. Our confidence isn’t given but worked for. Some women get it within days/weeks/months…. but for others like me, it takes years. Years of crying, self hate, more tears, searching for answers in all the wrong places, and finding our way back on top. So when people wonder why plus size women want to show off the body they love, the journey of self love is why. When it comes to dating, we deserve love and acceptance like everyone else. A man doesn’t have to “be into big girls” to date a plus size woman. We don’t have to take whatever we get. We can be as the next woman. We don’t have to limit ourselves in anyway. Besides what men and women are attracted to is confidence. If you think that you are sh*t then they will too. No one has the power to make you feel any different.

After our conversation was over I saw my friend look at things in a different light. I might not have completely changed her point of view but I do think that I was able to provide some perspective. Hopefully that will spark enough change in her to realize that she is beautiful just as she is. The same goes for anyone else who reads this and is still trying to figure out if they are good enough and worth it.

The answer to that my love is YES!


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A young 30 something trying to find my way to a healthier lifestyle and learning to embrace all that is me. Why don't you join me on my journey.

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