Looking Back

This morning I woke up and headed to Corpus Christi, TX. I knew this could be emotional for me but I don’t think I was fully prepared for all the feelings it would bring back. You see I came here for a baby shower for a friend. He’s not just any friend. He was my best friend in college, the first man that I fell in love with, and the first heartbreak I experienced.

The last (and only time) I was here, I had sent a message via Facebook (there are reasons for it) that our friendship wasn’t a real friendship. I felt it was one-sided and I had to do all the work. I didn’t feel it was right and I couldn’t call him my best friend anymore. He was dating my sorority sister (whom he said reminded him of me) and I felt she could take are of him. It was exhausting for me. Don’t get my wrong we had some really great memories and have been there for each other through some tough times. However, friendships are relationships to me and they take work on both sides. It was a lengthy message explaining how I felt and his response was we needed to talk. I was done at that point. A few weeks later I get a call he’s in the hospital and with 2 other friends headed to Corpus to see how he was doing. Days later we arrived and he got out. For me it was torture. He was out and happy with his new lady (my sorority sister) and the other 2 friends we dating as well. I felt so out of place and just wanted to go home. A few months later he and I had a fight and as a result stopped talking for 2 years.

Fast forward 3ish years and we are back to being friends and today was his surprise baby shower. Watching him open gifts for his baby girl with excitement in his eyes was heart warming. At the same time it was so unreal. The last time I was here I could barely standing being next to him and now I am meeting the mother of his child. I realized how much change has happened within me to be here in the moment and not want to cry. I can actually say that I want the best for him and his girlfriend. I hope things continue to go well and they have many many years of happiness together. I can’t lie and say I didn’t have a moment of resentment. I wondered why the man that crushed my heart all those years ago is happy with a baby on the way and I am still single? Why he’s getting have a portion of my personal dream come true. It was also in that very same moment I remembered that everything happens in the right time.

I’ve grown so much over the past few years. I’ve learned to find my inner strength, started figuring out how to love myself, and want to find out what all life has to offer. I am right where I need to be and know that things will fall into place when they are supposed to.

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One Comment

  1. Shay

    Well said!

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A young 30 something trying to find my way to a healthier lifestyle and learning to embrace all that is me. Why don't you join me on my journey.

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